so i've been to two korean weddings now.

the first one was in a church, a little more westernized... more what i'm used to. the two people getting married were my coworkers - elly, a kyobo (western-born ethnically korean living in korea) and steve, who has spent many years living in the US. therefore the wedding was more familiar.

this time it was in andong. my former co-worker julie (jin-ah) was marrying her boyfriend ki-dong. the wedding was in a korean 'wedding hall' which is basically... a dentist's office. you go in, you get your treatment, then you get the hell out. only it's 200 people going in and out with you.

wedding and reception were over in about 1.5 hours, and the reception was in a communal reception hall where the people who were getting married across the way were having their reception.

one of the strangest things i witnessed was a ride... a little horizontal rollercoaster that took bride and groom past tacky-as-hell pastoral 'greco-roman nature' settings down to the back of the aisle as "moon river" played.
Check the wedding coaster here.

they then played "here comes the bride", they did the whole "do you promise to" thing and then ki-dong did some weird bowing and PUSHUPS in front of everyone. why? i don't know. i'll ask julie when she gets back from her honeymoon.

but really it was fun.

here's a couple photos...

julie and angela, my former coworkers at monster's ESL hut...



julie all bride-d up





what was depressing about this trip to andong was that good ol' bill, who is now free from the evil monster... ISN'T really free from the evil monster. he got a text message about a month ago that said "we know where you are, we know your movements. be careful!"

this is of course after bill quit (finally)... and after he had quit, monster changed the locks on his apartment. monster was then charged with breaking and entering, given a permanent police record and fined 500 bucks. so monster, a bully who is still unaccustomed to losing the little battles life throws his way... especially to a foreigner... decides to play the "oh, i'm a connected quasi-gangster" card and threaten bill.

if anything happens to bill, there will be more comedy to write about on this blog. it's a nice little city and it's only 2.5 hours away.

yup. knife arrived. thanks dad. i can now date a korean girl safely.

racism is the last refuge of the complete idiot who can't think through his discomfort brought on by an unappealing social situation.

ryan and hyo eun, pictured here at the seoul daehakkyo(university) side of kwanak mountain were victims of a racist attack last night.



now a lot of you who read this blog maybe have seen ryan's antics - he's loud, he's conspicuous, he's a jackass, he's a drunk. he's also got a heart of gold to go with that brain of lead.

there's also been times when our antics have maybe warranted an asskicking - like the photo incident a couple of months ago - some dude started taking photos of hannah in the mall the day after that happened, and i wanted to go maul him like a bear... so perhaps the kyopo fag who was all bummed out at me was kinda justified, but fuck him anyways, he has a mustache.

anyways - it's ryan's buddy darren's birthday. they go to konkuk university district to go celebrate. ryan is being himself, having a good time being a jackass in the bar and the korean dudes found it comical and endearing.

they go outside and two dudes who were playing these punching bag games you see all over the street in areas like this. everyone is having fun. all of a sudden, this korean dude says "don't fucking speak english near me" and suckers ryan in the eye.

the rest of ryan's friends step in to calm that guy down but his buddy started slapping hyo eun in the head for having the gall to date a foreigner.

hyo eun is not your average korean girl. she's very worldly and well-traveled, and is also a pusan girl - a long sight more brassy and assertive than your average seoul girl - therefore, not the kind of woman you hit. as if there's a kind of woman that you hit.

she freaks out and kicks buddy in the nuts, screaming about how poorly endowed he is. a crowd gathers and tries to calm both ryan and h.e. down.

then these just-out-of-the-army special forces dudes who were partying nearby decide to chase down the two culprits and beat the living shit out of them. ryan is encouraged to leave.

one of the things that koreans will do in a fight is blame a foreigner, even if they were assaulting a foreigner and all the foreigner did was defend himself. it's the kind of thing that is rarely left up to a judge and jury here. the cops show up, assign some sort of liability, force the culprit to pay reparations (often to the tune of a couple million won/couple thousand dollars).

anyways, they escape. the special forces guys are super cool and tell ryan to not worry, the dudes are going to the hospital first and then jail.

throughout it all ryan, (who is, more often than not, doing something to piss someone off) is bellowing "I DIDN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?"

the irony. the one time he wasn't doing anything, he gets suckerpunched by some dude with no dick and even less brains.

the best thing about it is that a korean woman (hyo eun) got to make this dipshit look like an asshole in front of his girlfriend by yelling at her "take a good hard look at this guy. if this is what he will do to a complete stranger, think of what he's going to do to you 10 years from now when you're married!"

and she kicked him in the nuts. hyo eun rules.