first off, happy birthday erin. i was reminding myself to call you all day yesterday... in fact, my students were reminding me all week. then, on the way to heun-young island, i forgot until 4 pm seoul time... about midnight your time, i guess. crap. so happy birthday, LYMYB.
went on a work 'picnic' to the 'seaside' today which consisted of a 2 hour drive to the 'seaside', a lunch in a fish market, and a 3 hour drive home (gangbyeon expressway was in gridlock). some of the shit they put in front of us - i.e. sea squirt, sea slug, and various other things with no eyes or cerebral cortex - i couldn't stomach.

but one thing i did that i've wanted to do since watching the 박찬욱 (park chan wook) film 'old boy' (a film i recommend to absolutely everyone)... was eat live octopus.

side note - the photo i've posted of old boy's main character is from the early part of the film, wherein our hero is locked up in a for-hire jail somewhere in eungam (northwest seoul) in 1984 or so. there was very little in eungam back then, now it's sort of near the world cup stadium where korea's shining moment - beating japan in the world cup - took place.

anyways - the main character is imprisoned for 15 years and he's not told why. he goes on a rampage afterwards to find out why. it's kinda like 'kill bill' only way cooler and very korean. the dish he is eating is 만두 (mandoo), or dumplings. pretty much the same as japanese gyoza (only if you said that a korean would say "oooohhh nooo.... mandu... invented in KOREA!!!" not taking into account that every single culture in every part of the fucking world has a dish that features a mix of things like meat, veggies and whatever else that they wrap up in dough and boil and/or fry).

anyways... in the movie he is fed only mandoo for the 15 years he's in this jail. he is released without explanation and promptly goes to a 해물 (seafood) restaurant and guzzles down a whole live octopus. i think he said "i wanted to feel like something was alive inside me" or some shit like that. then he goes on a 2 hour rampage of revenge and twistedness.

mr. han took us to this fish market, basically a giant barn with fish merchants and picnic tables.
we sat down next to a big tank of live fish, and they started chopping shit up for us. here is the result: http://lonelybullet.com/oleary/new%20014.avi

live octopus is not necessarily all that delicious, and the texture is that of a sneaker sole, but the sensation of a suction cup grab the inside of your mouth is definitely one people should experience. now here is my new guitar:

and here are some boats:

yeah. some picnic.

i know you're all pining for me (post edited for those who can't read korean).

well... this is what's up. it is now intensive. i am currently at 9:05 am on the morning of the monday of the second week of intensive.

things that are happening?

nancy burke - my coworker and 8 year korean veteran - is moving back to labrador. she is going from seoul to labrador. that will most definitely be a strange transition.

my motorbike rocks. it's a 2001, therefore it rattles and makes funny sounds but i think it's pretty much indestructable. i've been lost on it a couple times and invariably i end up in youngdeungpo... in fact this has happened on 2 occasions. if you look at the map provided at (edit-this is the english version) http://asp.congnamul.com/seoul/english/map.jsp you can find out just how far it is from youngdeungpo to apkujeong.

and when you consider that it is a pretty roundabout route to get back there, peppered with the occasional run-in with an ajossi for directions - "ajossi, apkujeong-dong, kwanglim kyo-hui odee-yeh-yo?".

as well, the heat has turned up. it's hot as ass, maybe 35 degrees, and the humidity is at about 90%. which sucks in ways i can't describe. if people in my family find the okanagan unbearable...

i was walking with hannah in insadong yesterday. a crazy guy kicked a bottle of water at her. yes, seoul gets crazy people. it was everything i could do to not throw him half a block, but hannah is the kind of girl who doesn't like violence in any form, for any reason. so me throwing some drunk dude while getting slapped for being violent would be just a bad situation.

intensive started yesterday. therefore, i have little to say. i'm up at 6am to go to the gym, at work at 9, at home at 9.

there is little to say. little makes sense besides this.

l-r: rick wartell and bruce franklin of trouble.

yup.

yup. garbage.

"kind of a dumb story about almost getting arrested" subtitled "don't take a stranger's photo, he may be one of those guys who thinks his soul is captured in the camera".

we're at one of our favorite itaewon watering holes, "gecko's". we're watering ourselves. it's fun. i notice that one of the guys at the table next to us is passed out drunk and sitting stock-still (see bad cameraphone photo) with his mouth open.

i grab cynthia's camera and snap a quick photo of him, thinking nothing of it.

minutes later, one korean guy comes up and says "did you just take a photo of my friend?" i said "no, i took a photo of the beautiful night sky in the window behind him". he wasn't buying it. he asks "are you a homosexual or something?" to which i reply, "what if i was, what would you do about it?"

he starts yammering on about how he wants to see the camera, and we won't show him. he's big, but he's not bigger than anyone at the table, so we kind of dismiss him as a fruitcake.

he says "i am going to teach you all a lesson about korean law" and stomps out of the bar.

he returns about 15 minutes later with two cops. the cops, with reaaaaaally limited english, ask to see the camera. we now can't produce it because rob has run off with it in hopes of hiding the 'evidence'. not the best plan, but it dragged the incident out, eventually making it funnier. i sit on my chair, drinking my beer, not cooperating with anyone. the cops keep asking "camera, please" to which i reply "kam-oo-rah upsoyo" (camera none).

we are all asked to leave the bar. outside, cynthia gets face-shoved and the complainant guy narrowly misses getting the living shit kicked out of him by 5 guys. it was a good idea on his part to bring cops.

the cops keep asking for my alien card (korean ID) to which i say no. i tell someone to say it's because i haven't done anything against the law, and i will produce it if they tell me which korean law i've broken by taking some sleeping guy's photo.

all they can come back with is "this is korea. this is korea." as if i didn't know where i was.

i am asked to write my name and my ARC number. i write down some huge random number and the name "FLEX BEETHOVEN".

and, inevitably, like in any korean vs. foreigner conflict, they ask "whae ada-you puh-rum? (where are you from)". for some reason this really irks me. whenever a korean gets pissed at you, you are asked "where are you from" as if your place of birth has any bearing on the conflict.

i reply "ilbon saram (i'm japanese)". he gets a quizzical look on his face and asks "whae ada-you puh-rum?" again and i say "TAKESHIMA!!!"

(takeshima is the japanese name for dokdo, two hotly contested islets in the "east sea" [sea of japan] that have united nationalistic fervor in the hearts of koreans to the point where, during anti-japan rallies, korean dudes have been known to cut off their fingers, burn flags, and all sorts of other horseshit. it's like if the US all of a sudden claimed 100 square meters of baffin island and canadians started freaking out).

the situation petered out and when rob finally returned with the camera sans photo of drunk passed-out guy, the cops said okokok and left. super korean dude was pissed off but we left unscathed, on to the next adventure.

nobody steps to the apkujeong cobras, bitch.

"yeah, dad. i like strained carrots. now shut up and bring me some whores and robitussin". -oliver jaswal-pargiter - hereby known as "OJP" or "10,000".