the newest member of our clan of expats. this one from siberia. folks, meet sasha.

http://objective.jesussave.us/kidzart2.html






EVEN NINJAS LOVE THE BIBLE!!!

ok it's all smiles now... but give it about 15 years...


"FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, DAD, NO!!! I DON'T WANT TO PLAY RISK WITH YOU!"

*edit* if you've read this already, i've added shit. checkit or i'll smashya.

so now there's this supposed anti-foreigner backlash in korea. that has me a little concerned because i'm a foreigner. it also fills me with mirth, because, well, most korean dudes who sit behind a computer talking shit are about 65 pounds and fly really well if you throw them.

there's a few english jobsites here, most have discussion forums. i generally stick to dave's esl cafe (www.eslcafe.com) because 1. smart and funny people post there and 2. it's pretty much the microsoft of korean ESL. why bother trying to figure out linux unless you're a nerd?

anyways - www.englishspectrum.com (now offline for reasons which will be explained here) has a discussion board with a section called 'ask the playboy' which is pretty much what you'd expect - 'how to scam on chicks like you're a giant fag who takes MAXIM magazine seriously' - only the chicks implied are korean.

korean society has a few traits that have the potential for exacerbating furore over some dipshit foreigner posting 'how to scam on k-girls' on an open forum.

firstly, it's still largely sexist and male-dominated, due to confucianist baggage colliding with modern, globalized culture - something i explained in as much detail as a dimwit could in one of my first blog entries.

http://www.seandammit.earthversusme.com/2004_02_01_seandammit_archive.html

-scroll down to the post that starts with "so now that i've been paid" (ah, remember when i used to shit my pants over that?).

as well, koreans tend to be xenophobic. perhaps they have just cause - i keep referring to korea as 'the poland of asia' not because there's tons of korean jokes about dumbasses but mostly because if larger powers want to lock horns, where do they go to dig in? korea. it's a nice place to set up shop if you want to fuck with china. as well, the US army has been here since the korean war ended. koreans hate that, but if the US pulled out, what would happen besides the economy going sour? i'll let you speculate.

my take on it is this. if you were 14 years old and had a bunch of older guys try to get you to have gay sex with them, it's quite possible you'd turn out a bit homophobic. if your country's history is constant threat from outside - japanese imperialism, chinese/russian imported communism, foreign capitalist bullying, foreigners taking (a hell of a lot of) your money to try and keep your kids globally competitive in our english-dominated global market... you'd be freaked out.

couple that with a historical predilection for a persecution complex, and you get closer to what a pretty popular korean worldview is like.

therefore - some fruitcake like 'the playboy' who doesn't consider the consequences of what he posts on the internet (not me, too?) is doubtlessly going to stir up the pot of paternalism, xenophobia and sexist attitudes to one's sisters, wives, daughters, etc.

basically - if you touch 'our' women, we're going to kill you. a fairly typical korean worldview, especially from those of 'ajossi' (ah-ju-shi) age.

glossary digression:
'ajossi' - older (married) man. sometimes honorific, sometimes pejorative, depending on how you say it. if i say 'ajossi, apkujeong-yeok-ro kajusayo' it's like "older, wiser, and superior man driving my taxi, take me to apkujeong station if you please".

if it's saturday morning and it's me saying "AJOSSI!!! IP DDAK CHO!" it means "listen, you dumb old BOOT, i'm trying to sleep, and if you don't get your fish truck with the loudspeaker out of my back alley i'm going to cook you, your wife and your children into a nutritious stew!").

they say korean is a high-context language - it's all in how you say things. basically, older men, especially those of mid-life crisis age, especially those with a tactile memory of 'the dark times' when korea had a constant burden of foreign presence - are extra bitchy about foreigners dating korean girls. it used to be skewed in favor of the soldiers. now a bunch of pasty, out of shape alchoholics are shouldering a bigger share of the blame.

that 'ajossi' complex, of course, is thrust upon a great deal of younger korean men - especially those of 'courting' age who still live at home with their fucked up parents who still tell them what to do. the pressure is intense, i imagine. as is the pressure to "GET MARRIED BY THE TIME YOU'RE 30, OR YOU ARE SOCIAL PARIAH". it'd give a dude a complex, especially if he had outside competition.

anyways... back to the shitstorm.

this 'playboy' shitfuck touched a nerve. he posted photos of himself having one of your average wet t-shirt contest boozeparties on his website. he has singled himself out as 'good example of foreigner guy in korea' which is about 80% bullshit. most guys here can't meet girls to save their lives in their home countries, let alone a foreign one. i don't think he imagined koreans would catch wind of it.

but they did, and in that he hit a nerve.

what sucks about this whole thing is that the news caught wind of these internet posts. the chosun ilbo (k-language paper) reported it last week as being a major issue - korean women being talked about indiscreetly by foreigners on a website. if i was korean, i'd probably agree to a certain extent (actually i'd probably be fuming).

then, some other shitbag decided to bring up a years-old internet post - a tutorial some fuckup decided to post on 'how to molest your students' with such tips as plying them with candy and liquor. it could have been a joke, but it was ill-timed because koreans were already pissed off.

check this article in the joongang daily, an english language korean paper:

http://joongangdaily.joins.com/200501/16/200501161934523939900091009101.html

anyways... there's a korean web portal site 'daum.net' which is much like sympatico or msn back home. the shitty thing about korean websites, however, is that even if you can read korean (which i can) and understand what is written (which i 95% can't), you're not allowed to register on these sites to 'discuss' pertinent issues. you have to be korean or kyopo (ethnic korean in korea, on an F4 visa... i think. anyone reading, correct me if i'm wrong).

so... (just like 2 years ago when two dumbshit US GI's accidentally ran over two korean girls in a tank and were slapped on the wrist for it) the INTERNET WENT APESHIT!!! 5000+ people signed a daum.net petition to 'demonstrate against foreigners' in hongdae. i can't read much of it, because my vocab is pretty low. but when someone writes "GO HOME FUCKOFF" in english followed by a bunch of virulent korean peppered with 'shippal' (ship pal=18. for some reason it means about the same as 'fuck you'), 'geseki' (sonofabitch) and 'waegook' (foreigner - sometimes a pejorative, much like 'ajossi', above), even a KTL (korean as a third language) dude gets the point. people are pissed. lots of them. they have computers, hear them roar.

one of the articles also featured the line "Korean men should all beware of Korean women who've been abroad, or who speak English well". what does that mean? anyone who has experienced how the other half lives isn't going to be content with getting up at 6am to fix your breakfast and iron your shirts and stay home barefoot and pregnant?

anyways...

hongdae is one of the places i go to have fun - it's the site of the monthly mardi-gras-esque club night; it's where skunk hell - the punk club - is located. it's generally a fun neighborhood, much different from apkujeong which is snobbish and rather sterile in its fucked-ness. it's the kind of place where you make friends with real koreans - the kind of place where people just come up and talk to you and want to hang out. there's about three universities within walking distance of the place, so everyone here seems low-key, young or young at heart and into 'having a good time' (if you live in korea you know why that's in quotations).

so i had to go to hongdae on saturday night, the night of the 'rally', as i posted on the esl forum... (keep in mind the majority of the people who post on this board are either jaded, retarded, bedwetting crybabies, 72 year old women or republicans - which explains some of the replies).

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=32399

anyways, i was a little bit wary. nothing happened. then someone on the 'marmot' - a multi-authored korean news/blog page said it had been postponed.

http://marmot.blogs.com/korea/

but if you click here,

http://blog.naver.com/golroom007/60009258822

you can see a korean's perspective on the whole club night in hongdae phenom. notice that the foreigners going home with korean girls' faces aren't pixelled out. there's a pic of a big fight that i think happened last summer between k-dudes and foreigners, perhaps some soldiers. i don't remember all the details about that one. basically the article says that 'club night' is an embarrassment to korea and that foreigners are picking up korean girls left and right. 'hands off OUR women'.

so yeah. a shitstorm... nothing's happened to me yet, i've received rude service on a couple of occasions, but nobody has told me to 'go home' or anything. if they do, i'll say 'where, apkujeong? i don't like it very much, i'd rather live in sinchon, but it's home".

a few observations - if korean men are so freaked out about foreigners stealing their women, perhaps they should criticize booking clubs - the night clubs where you pay waiters money to drag girls - whether they like it or not - to your table. or of room-salons, the speakeasy barbershops that are fronts for mom-and-pop prostitution...

or perhaps they should address the level of domestic violence in this country and how it goes unpunished.

or perhaps they should examine the treatment of the miryang gang rape a few months ago where the two teenage victims - who were raped and beaten numerous times by up to 40 older high school boys - were blamed by the police. a quote: "i live in miryang, and you girls have brought shame upon my city" after which they were subject to taunts from their attackers.

the story on that one is posted here on dave's by a man who calls himself Real Reality - all he does is post odd/interesting/thought provoking/annoying news links:

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=30798&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

and the korean english language press followed up here:

http://times.hankooki.com/lpage/200412/kt2004121217002910230.htm

basically - any screed against all foreigners because of the actions of two or three shitbags is dumb and racist and, for the most part, typically korean. a nation that, when attempting to solve its problems looks outward for answers rather than at its own shit. a nation that would rather be a victim than take a good honest look at its own archaic and systemic failures.

all i can say is that if anyone tells me to go home they're going to get a quick "blow me".

as soon as i learn how to say "blow me" in korean.

i'm sure this will all blow over perhaps i'm making more of it than i should. most koreans work 16 hours a day and if they've even heard about this horseshit, they simply don't have the time to participate in any capacity. i think my pale white arse is safe.

except some foreigner guy married (yeah, married) to a korean girl was asked by a group of korean men to leave a club in hongdae last week. he was just dancing with his wife, minding his own business.

is it because these dudes are frustrated that they don't know how to talk to girls?

uh, yeah. noraebang.



click here.

today: 1 year in korea.

highlights?

-escaping a bad job without retribution from immigration or anyfuckingone.
-getting a new, good job.
-discovering seoul and korea
-hanging out with the cobras
-thailand in august
-working out
-playing "hey, i'm 6' tall and 190, please bump into me" with 65 pound koreans. it's like pinball.

lowlights?
-lt. frederic "jerry" richard - 1919-2004
-working too much
-missing home, friends and family
-climate and pollution

yeah, it's been a decent year. the next one is going to be even better. plans?
-japan in march with my boys in the champ http://xchampionx.com
-vietnam in april
-finally taking possession of my les paul standard
-more work, more money, more plans.

that's about it. this is the world's most boring blog sometimes. i'm more than halfway through intensive, but it still sucks. seoul is cold and still polluted.

so there's a thread on the www.eslcafe.com korean discussion forums about "funny things korean students say".

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=30547&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15

i've posted a few gems, like when i mentioned pakistan and my student said "pakistan? is that one of the places that got hit by the big SALAMI on boxing day?" after which she kept referring to it as "pakistonia".

today a student was writing in his journal. the subject was "anger" and he wrote about his feelings - "when i get anger (sic) i feel all dizzy and EXPLODED".

lisa got a creative writing piece, a story that featured two explosions. "BOOB!!!" went the bomb. "BOOB!!!". yeah.

*edit* i have to add that on a spelling test, nick kim wrote that "foil is something you rape food with".

but this one dude posted a picture of something that has to be seen to be believed. it was a journal entry about a teacher who drank a can of coke every class. "coke man", they called him.

i sure hope otis writes a book. i've been bugging him to put his stories down on paper for years, here's the first entry in "otis' ashes" i guess.

So I Moved to Vancouver from NB, with $150 and some east coast yahoos. I lived in the west end of Van witch is for the most part the gay neighborhood. I had a one bed room place and there were 4 skater friends splitting the rent. I was 21 or 22 at the time. I had the bed room as I was the only one with a job and paid a little extra for the privilege. I would get up go towork and some one would get off the floor and get in my bed to sleep all day.

So one night I'm in bed and it is like 4 am. I have some one tickling my feet. I'm all like "Fuck off I'm sleeping" and thinking to myself, if my Fuckin room mates give me a hot foot they're dead. This goes on for a minute or two. Then the guy moves in to my bed with me. I'm thinking , go to sleep, I'm going to work in a few hours, you can have the bed!! Now the dude is spooning me. I drill him with a few elbows and Yell "jokes over go to sleep". I get spooned again , this time I turn my back to the wall and put my feet on the dude and push him of the bed. The dude goes in the other room. I go back to sleep for about a minute.

Then I hear one of my room mates (Barry) saying "who are you?" and "what the fuck". So now I'm pissed I get up and go in to the other room and turn the light on. Barry is like "Otis do you know this guy?" I look and Barry is sitting on the couch in his underwear. The guy is on his knees between Barry's legs and rubbing Barry's legs!!! I'm all " no I don't know this guy" I charge the dude and start checking his pockets to see if he is steeling something. I really did not want to believe that he was a pervert. I get him to the door that had been left unlocked. (an old east coast habit) He starts to get mouthy. so I get him by the hair and pull him down about 6 stairs to get out side to the back alley. He gives me a shove and I smash him in the face.

I go inside to call 911. They tell me the cops are on there way and don't go out side as the guy might have a knife. I told them that I checked all his pockets and that i don't think he has one but i'll stay inside. I'm asked to write down a number, realize my hand is broken. The cops get there and the guy is gone. we drive around looking for the dude, can't find him. The cops tell me that there are about 20 complaints with the same description. A few weeks later there was a police sketch in the paper... I wish I had saved it because it was the dude that was in my bed. So now everyone in New Brunswick thinks I'm a gay basher because when the story made it that far it got all distorted. The only good thing to come of the whole thing was the the Doc that fixed my hand told me to take Karate and learn to punch with the bigger bones in my hand.