oh shit!!!!!!!

ammo against the bad music brigade!

here's a streaming MP3 of "BANGING IN THE NAILS" by the tiger lillies:

i gotta say, min-gyu is a good dude... but if he plays richard marx one more time, i'm crankin' some muthafuckin' accordion up in this piece.

i'm doing report cards.

"I can only encourage more practice at home. It is clear that when Jun is doing his homework and studying hard that his test scores improve a great deal. As well, he needs to overcome some of his shyness, as speaking more in class will help his understanding a great deal and improve his confidence in general."

this is officially the worst part of being a teacher. hey mom, don't you agree? how about you, chris?

the shitty thing is - i'm in my neighborhood PC bang. it's the one time i simply cannot leave, i have to get this done before tomorrow. i have 6 more kids to write 2 paragraph blurbs about... and min-gyu, my friendly neighborhood PC bang proprietor, has a ridiculous love for the song "right here waiting for you" by richard marx.

he's played it five times in the last half hour.

"whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, i will be right here waiting for you..."

i want to saw someone's leg off, pull their liver out and then nail their head to the floor.

speaking of nails, anyone ever heard the band THE TIGER LILIES? austin introduced me to them at our friday night beer, corn nuts and gin rummy fest. they have a song written from the point of view of a dude crucifying christ... the chorus, sung in a ridculous polka falsetto, goes like this:

"i'm banging banging banging banging banging-in the nails... banging banging banging banging banging-in-the-nails. banging banging banging banging banging-in the-nails... banging banging banging banging banging-in-the-nails."

it is then repeated about 20 times. for some reason it doesn't get annoying.

richard marx, on the other hand, which has started playing for the sixth time since i started typing...

here's me being a giant dumbass on the bukhansan foothills.

ok, ok... bukhansan photos up here.


you can also look at king RD Copas' photos here. they're kind of essential because i'm looking like a jackass in one of them.

wick!

so anyone who was trying to post comments, i redid the haloscan shit.

the blogger shit was hella lame, even though some fucking retard figured out how to do it.

so what does that say about my family and friends?

climbed mt. bukhansan today, photos tomorrow if you're lucky.

oh yeah - parge and cindy are pregnant. if they don't name the kid oscar i'm going to kill them and eat them and raise the kid as if it was my own.

"oscar, get my boots, you little puke"

"yes, father. do you want a milkshake?"

"fuck you for asking. of course i want a milkshake, and get my whiskey too!"

kids... i can't WAIT. any surrogate mothers out there?

so i'm blogging and some dumb shitheel waste of a perfectly good sperm and egg posts the following comment WHILE i'm blogging.

"Here's a comment sean. Ive read through the archives on your blog and I think that some of the shit you say is the most narrowminded, racsist (sic) shit ever.

The fact that you would go out of your way to learn how to tell people to fuckoff (sic) in their own language is just another example of how ugly foreigners could be. You should go to another country to try and get enlightened, but it seems you just focus on the bad and dont see that asian cultures are the primary culture in human society.

(what this knobgobbler meant by this 'primary culture' thing i don't know. last time i checked the tigris and euphrates weren't in korea).

I really think you should get your head examined or leave Korea. There is no way it could be as bad as you say it is."

one. nice way to post dumb shit and then not leave a name so i can tell you by name that you're a dumb shit.

two. racist? i'm in a weird country. things are weird. korea is weird, people do weird shit here. i have to put up with culture shock. that's what this site is about. adapting to a foreign country is a challenge. i write about it, so you can eat a bowl of dicks.

three. i generally post here when i'm pissed off and need to rant. are you in korea? it's obvious you're not otherwise you wouldn't be such a blubbering vagina about whose feelings i'm hurting. they're rants, take 'em for what they are.

four. if there is a reason to be racist against koreans, it's this:



there are grown men who have haircuts like that here. i've put a lot of thought into it, and it is 100% okay assert some sort of supremacy over people who do shit like that with their hair.

i've posted your comment in full so everyone can read what a moron you are. go fuck a tree.

new photos up here. the buddha's birthday parade was today. it was pretty cool. met my cousin, third cousin twice removed or whatever... i don't know how removed. shawna. cousin ethel's granddaughter. she seems cool but we got separated during the parade by STERN YET FAIR korean cops who didn't want us crossing lines, so i barely talked to her.

if you're reading this shawna, i didn't ditch you, come on out for hongdae club night on friday!

i wished gunnery sergeant hartman from "full metal jacket" had been there to sing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BUDDHA". but he wasn't.



someone tell me a joke. seriously, my theory about the fact that there is a finite amount of jokes in the world is pretty much proven. we've reached the end.

a george bush joke perhaps? please?
one could take bill baker's earth crisis joke...
bill:"who wants to hear my earth crisis joke?"
crowd:"yeah"
bill:"earth crisis"

and where it says "earth crisis" insert george bush...

but comparing vegan metalheads who played way too much Dungeons and Dragons with george bush is a little retarded. i'm just hard up for material these days.

so it says on my blog that you can't leave anonymous comments.

blogger just changed shit and it's all screwy and i don't want to go back to haloscan comments.

you CAN leave anonymous comments on my blog. just do it. log in as "anonymous". i've tested it, it works.

uhhh so i have officially found the most disturbing thing in the history of the internet.

some fruitcake preacher has done a website with the whole old testament with lego figurines.

"when to stone your children"
"homosexuality"
and
"bestiality"

are my favorites.

(edit-it's a hoax. a funny one, but a hoax nonetheless)

so i had the wording wrong on justin's weaving thing:



but still, it's funny.

and plus the weaver is weaving the great pyramid of cheops getting its ass rained on.

i'm chewing on chocolate-covered poprocks.

i just spent the last few hours on a work outing, we climbed this mountain in the south part of seoul. i don't remember the mountain's name, but it was in yangjae.

I'M SO OUT OF SHAPE IT SUCKS. i was sweating and wheezing halfway up.

but we had some laughs. i spent most of the walk reciting shit from "so i married an axe murderer".

lately my students have been cracking me up. a couple of snippets:

this one kid justin is this sort of shy but deadpan funny guy. he always hands in these journal assignments with this odd sort of dada-ist humor, much like the shit on
MY NEW FIGHTING TECHNIQUE IS UNSTOPPABLE and it just cracks me up, though he gets all shy and doesn't understand why i'm laughing at his work.

one of the assignments in his workbook was to read a passage about the history of weaving. then, he was to write a short two paragraph story about weaving.

he came into class and said "uhh... sean?" which is how he addresses me all the time. "uhh... sean? i think i did the assignment a little wrong, i hope it's okay" and he produces the worksheet. instead of two paragraphs of sentences that had subject/verb agreement problems on par with some of my first-year essays, he drew a picture of a dude at a loom weaving with another person standing behind him.

the person in the back said "YOU ARE THE WORLD'S WORST WEAVER" in a word balloon.

the weaver simply replied "OF COURSE".

i laughed for about five minutes while justin just stood there red-faced, saying "uhh... sean?". anyone who knows of the "star dog, you are so special" drawing (i stole it from tod swank) i do sometimes will have a greater awareness of the ridiculousness of this picture. when justin brings it to our essay class on monday i'll post a photo of it. perhaps only i think it's funny.

in the same class, i have this girl named christina whose father is a doctor. i saw a rather cool pen in her pencil case, picked it up and said "cool" but then realized it had a giant VIAGRA logo on it, i guess he got it from a pfizer rep or something. the girl is 10 years old, and has no clue what VIAGRA is... i'm in my chair howling at the fact that a 10 year old korean girl has a VIAGRA pen.

she gets all shy and embarrassed and said "teacher, what's so funny? what is it? what is viagra?" and all i could say was "you're going to have to ask your parents, i can't tell you". weeks later, she had the same pen in her pencil case. "my mother scratched the logo off. she said she didn't know what it was, but she scratched it off anyways. what's VIAGRA, teacher?"

walking home with cynthia after our hike i said "did i tell you my VIAGRA story?" and she replied "yeah, last night, it was hilarious". can you imagine hearing me say that out of context? "oh dude, get o'leary to tell you his VIAGRA story... it's PRICELESS!"

perhaps the most important one was also done by justin. there was a little cause-and-effect activity in the workbook. i don't remember what exactly it was about, but his answer ended with "and then i would be the GOD and i would say 'HELLO GEGIOUS'". it was odd so i had to ask "justin, what is 'gegious'?"

"uhh... sean?" and he puts his arms out in a jesus christ pose. "you know, gegious?" and he says "hello, jesus!".

perhaps you had to be there. but if you say "helloooo, jesus!" as if you're saying "helloooo, dolly" or something it's fucking funny. it was in class.

so i'm there, with four students crowded around my desk, i'm convulsing, with tears coming out of my eyes... elly, my sorta forewoman/coordinator person walks by, peers in, and i think all my credibility as a disciplinarian went out the window.

for those of you who don't think PMS exists, or those of you who think women are even halfway sane, this woman killed her boyfriend with her Ipod - this story should prop up all my theories that bitches iz mental and that a life of benevolent misogyny is the way to go.

thanks to josh payton of seattle, wa. i have access to all sorts of news stories people just don't get. in fact, if you're even slightly interested in the following subjects:

"george bush is a bigger insane fuckhead murderer than nixon"
"the US has been doing more insane, fuckhead murderous shit than you can even comprehend and here's proof"
"rasputin's tackle preserved in formaldehyde"
"marijuana makes you feel good, say funny shit and should be legal and free"
"certain bands are really really good and if you don't like them you're a douche"
"photos of dudes with hyenas for pets"

well then, you should read his blog EARTH VERSUS ME ... i do. sometimes i post there. i'm in the consortium.

burt reynolds does an advice column there too.

as you can see, i'm now able to post links. josh is my html teacher.

for those of you who know what a shitbrown poffenroth knob is, well, they're still good.

not much else is new. certain people are still assholes and should be killed. they know who they are. other people rule and should meet me in thailand on july 31. i get a week of holidays and if you have the means, i strongly suggest a week of beaches, tom yum soup and beer with your close pal sean.

teacher's day tomorrow. i guess i cleaned up today, got three pairs of nice socks and a keychain...

however, austin-teacher got like 10 pairs of socks, expensive cologne, candy (ferrero rocher, no less) and a RED FUCKING CARNATION!!!

i thought my students hated me.

so did austin. what's the deal, we cleaned up, everyone else got screwed.

so now this is possibly the best thing ever...

SATAN IS IN LED ZEPPELIN'S PROVERBIAL CORNER!!!

stairway to heaven backwards, click HERE:
link

and i always thought "the girl with the weasel in her mouth" was a freakin' hoax.

led zeppelin fans, you are officially in league with lucifer. now i finally have a reason to endure their prancing poofter of a frontman.

ok... update. a real update.

went to meet ms. lex spahr of seattle wa (well kirkland) and we had dinner at the moghul restaurant. it was fun. we ate, we talked about being in korea... two kids whose socialization is rooted in the hardcore scene have a unique perspective on this place.

so we talked a lot about BANE and how aaron bedard is a motivational speaker/gospel tent revival preacher of sorts... how the blurr setting on my camera can make streaming-light-style action photos similar to the type presented by such artistes as eric flexyourhead or "little" mike witherspoon: link

and we were laughing when i yelled "INCARNATION" really loud at gyeongbukgung while taking photos in an 'early 90s hardcore record cover' style and it was really funny but maybe seven of the people who read this blog will get it, because, well, you just are not DOWN.

yeah... i'd kill seven people to go to a hardcore show right now. korean music is the most anticlimactic shit i've ever heard. being here is like being time-warped back to 1988 and 1957 at the same time. all the bands here are one-hit wonders that nobody remembers after six months, and the lyrical themes are all "i loved you, you left me, i want you back, i was a bad person, come home please or i'll slit my wrists".

there is a counterculture here apparently... i was told there is a bar called D.R.U.G. in hapjeong that is korea's punk rock scene. then i was told "they had a house band until all the members got drafted".

most of my coworkers don't seem to understand my plight.

it's raining. this is starting to sound like a fruity livejournal. this blog was meant to be a sociopolitical/historical commentary and now i'm just whining. i sound like doogie howser, M.D. and i need to be punched.

new photos, click here! link

i especially like the jindo - i want to get a jindo, bring him back to canada and name him "BO", short for 'boshintang'. anyone who knows a thing or two about korean food knows why that is funny.

ah yes.

korea just keeps getting better...

link

so i made it through my 'open house'... basically five korean parents sitting quietly through my class while i nervously did the rigamarole of my school's curriculum.

the parents were there for an hour, i pressed the flesh, made a couple of new friends, and sent the kids for a break.

during that hour the kids were silent, almost too afraid to ask questions. especially the two 'bad kids', john and david, who i affectionately refer to as 'tweedledumb' and 'tweedledipshit'.

the parents left.

the kids all of a sudden started ripping paint off the walls and throwing books out the window. one kid started spontaneoulsly bleeding from his palms, another re-wrote the new testament, replacing every instance of the word 'lord' with 'sandwiches'.

i considered it a good way to teach him verb tenses and articles, we're going to laminate it, frame it and hang it in the hall...