i'm chewing on chocolate-covered poprocks.

i just spent the last few hours on a work outing, we climbed this mountain in the south part of seoul. i don't remember the mountain's name, but it was in yangjae.

I'M SO OUT OF SHAPE IT SUCKS. i was sweating and wheezing halfway up.

but we had some laughs. i spent most of the walk reciting shit from "so i married an axe murderer".

lately my students have been cracking me up. a couple of snippets:

this one kid justin is this sort of shy but deadpan funny guy. he always hands in these journal assignments with this odd sort of dada-ist humor, much like the shit on
MY NEW FIGHTING TECHNIQUE IS UNSTOPPABLE and it just cracks me up, though he gets all shy and doesn't understand why i'm laughing at his work.

one of the assignments in his workbook was to read a passage about the history of weaving. then, he was to write a short two paragraph story about weaving.

he came into class and said "uhh... sean?" which is how he addresses me all the time. "uhh... sean? i think i did the assignment a little wrong, i hope it's okay" and he produces the worksheet. instead of two paragraphs of sentences that had subject/verb agreement problems on par with some of my first-year essays, he drew a picture of a dude at a loom weaving with another person standing behind him.

the person in the back said "YOU ARE THE WORLD'S WORST WEAVER" in a word balloon.

the weaver simply replied "OF COURSE".

i laughed for about five minutes while justin just stood there red-faced, saying "uhh... sean?". anyone who knows of the "star dog, you are so special" drawing (i stole it from tod swank) i do sometimes will have a greater awareness of the ridiculousness of this picture. when justin brings it to our essay class on monday i'll post a photo of it. perhaps only i think it's funny.

in the same class, i have this girl named christina whose father is a doctor. i saw a rather cool pen in her pencil case, picked it up and said "cool" but then realized it had a giant VIAGRA logo on it, i guess he got it from a pfizer rep or something. the girl is 10 years old, and has no clue what VIAGRA is... i'm in my chair howling at the fact that a 10 year old korean girl has a VIAGRA pen.

she gets all shy and embarrassed and said "teacher, what's so funny? what is it? what is viagra?" and all i could say was "you're going to have to ask your parents, i can't tell you". weeks later, she had the same pen in her pencil case. "my mother scratched the logo off. she said she didn't know what it was, but she scratched it off anyways. what's VIAGRA, teacher?"

walking home with cynthia after our hike i said "did i tell you my VIAGRA story?" and she replied "yeah, last night, it was hilarious". can you imagine hearing me say that out of context? "oh dude, get o'leary to tell you his VIAGRA story... it's PRICELESS!"

perhaps the most important one was also done by justin. there was a little cause-and-effect activity in the workbook. i don't remember what exactly it was about, but his answer ended with "and then i would be the GOD and i would say 'HELLO GEGIOUS'". it was odd so i had to ask "justin, what is 'gegious'?"

"uhh... sean?" and he puts his arms out in a jesus christ pose. "you know, gegious?" and he says "hello, jesus!".

perhaps you had to be there. but if you say "helloooo, jesus!" as if you're saying "helloooo, dolly" or something it's fucking funny. it was in class.

so i'm there, with four students crowded around my desk, i'm convulsing, with tears coming out of my eyes... elly, my sorta forewoman/coordinator person walks by, peers in, and i think all my credibility as a disciplinarian went out the window.

for those of you who don't think PMS exists, or those of you who think women are even halfway sane, this woman killed her boyfriend with her Ipod - this story should prop up all my theories that bitches iz mental and that a life of benevolent misogyny is the way to go.

thanks to josh payton of seattle, wa. i have access to all sorts of news stories people just don't get. in fact, if you're even slightly interested in the following subjects:

"george bush is a bigger insane fuckhead murderer than nixon"
"the US has been doing more insane, fuckhead murderous shit than you can even comprehend and here's proof"
"rasputin's tackle preserved in formaldehyde"
"marijuana makes you feel good, say funny shit and should be legal and free"
"certain bands are really really good and if you don't like them you're a douche"
"photos of dudes with hyenas for pets"

well then, you should read his blog EARTH VERSUS ME ... i do. sometimes i post there. i'm in the consortium.

burt reynolds does an advice column there too.

as you can see, i'm now able to post links. josh is my html teacher.

for those of you who know what a shitbrown poffenroth knob is, well, they're still good.

not much else is new. certain people are still assholes and should be killed. they know who they are. other people rule and should meet me in thailand on july 31. i get a week of holidays and if you have the means, i strongly suggest a week of beaches, tom yum soup and beer with your close pal sean.